life lessons

I was suppose to have spent the last week with my sister, niece and parents in Washington just relaxing and enjoying a little break from work and stress. Instead I spent it making my second trip to Iowa in less than 12 months. 2 trips to Iowa in that period of time is unheard of. Normally I would be excited to see my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, but as you can tell from my previous blog entry I was going for a funeral and NOT for enjoyment. This was my first time at a funeral, which most find remarkable considering I’m almost 27 years old, but I’m actually quite pleased that I’ve not needed to experience such heartbreak. I was numb for the trip to Iowa and about my abrupt change of plans (no vacation, instead grieving). Not really knowing what to expect made the trip even worse. I think it’s important to know that because my grandparents all live in Iowa I don’t SEE them near as much as I’d like and I don’t KNOW them near as well as I’d like. I chose not to go back when my mom’s mother passed and really regretted that choice which is why I insisted on going this time. Plus, I knew my family was going to need more help this time since now there was no spouse to handle most of the matters (remember my grandmother passed a few years back). I was amazed at how my family came together and supported each other through the packing and dividing up, but also so thankful that we were able to support each other emotionally. I am convinced that we are still numb about his passing. Certainly over time the finality that comes with not having any of the Swank grandparents alive will make coping harder. As much as I hurt from loss it’s really my mom that I feel the most sorrow for. I can’t imagine the emptiness that’s been in her heart this last week.

Yes I’m strong, but I did breakdown at the funeral during one song in particular, Daddy’s hands. If you’ve never heard the song you can hear it here. There are a few things I particularly remember about grandpa, one is him being a member of the Masonic lodge and his Shiner parades, another is the backrubs he always taught us how to give so well, and the last is his hands. My mom pointed his hands out to me when I was younger. He was a farmer and a hard worker for all of his life which certainly made for some calloused hands. I’ve NEVER seen anyone with hands as worn as his. The other obvious thing about the song is that I too have a father. Seeing my mother go through this loss and the inevitable loss of my father are on my mind. Yes, that will be MANY years in the future but none the less, it’s practically impossible to imagine life without him and his love. The other song that really got to me was a song about a father's love. Love without end, amen by George Straight

In all of this sorrow I clung to one thing, even in death my grandfather did things HIS WAY….here is the story of his last days on earth. He had not been feeling well on Friday evening but still decided to keep his plans for Sat. When he woke up early on sat he got ready as usual but still wasn’t feeling quite right and decided he should probably go to the ER. He woke his friend and she got ready immediately. She said she was ready to leave but quickly realized he was in no position to drive saying, I think you should call 911. He sat down to wait while she was on the phone with her back to him. Suddenly she felt his head rest on her back and turned around…he was gone….the paramedics tried to revive him for an hour at the scene and another 30 min at the hospital…but he chose not to come back…..this is how grandpa did things, always thinking of helping others and making as little a burden on others as possible. He wouldn’t have wanted the kids to make the decision they had to with grandma and just didn’t come back. Which brings me to the only positive result of this entire ordeal; he’s finally reunited with the love of his life and his wife of nearly 50 years, Charlotte.

As I said before, grandpa wouldn’t want us to be sad but instead celebrate his life and take the lessons he taught us by modeling a selfless life….it’s much harder to celebrate as the finality sinks in but we will try as a family to honor his wishes.

What’s important in life anyway??? We have been talking and trying to decide when the right time to start a family is, when should we move back to Washington, should we fly back to see our parents over the holidays? Life is not unlimited. My grandfather will never meet my children. Sure, I can tell stories and show them pictures but they will never ride on his tractor or in his Shrine car after the parade. They will never run around the family farm catching fireflies at night in the humid heat. Is there ever a way to anticipate everything? Absolutely not. Can we completely live in the moment? No because we have to believe in a tomorrow. There has to be a balance. I wish I felt like this balance was easier to find right now.

I love my dachshund

This video from years back STILL cracks me up each time I see it...

We miss you grandpa!

When mom called early this morning I thought just just had a quick question about my upcoming trip to WA, I wish that was the case. Unfortunately she told me that my grandfather, Edwin Swank, had passed away earlier in the morning. I just wanted to share some great pictures of grandpa throughout my life. We all miss you grandpa but know would have wanted us to celebrate your life rather than mourn your death and celebrate we will!

Yes that's me on his lap and my mom in the door

A wonderful time in WA with my grandparents

College graduation with both grandpas
At the ocean just after Hailee's birth

Hailee and her great grandpa!

Grandpa doing something he loved, tractor rides. (remember the one above with me!)

Grandpa and David...doesn't he look dapper :)

This is one of the earliest memories I have of grandpa. He was a shriner and was always in the parades driving those little cars. How on earth he fit in there is beyond me, but when we were little he managed to squeeze us in too and drive around all crazy....we LOVED IT. Obviously we upgraded to the 'adult version' for our last trip.

Needless to say, this recent development has changed my vacation plans and I'm now headed to Iowa for the funeral and then to WA for a few days before returning to Cali. Honestly, I can't wait for this month to end...it's slowly working its way to the top of my worst months ever.

WE LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH GRANDPA SWANK!

Good bye Accent :( HELLO PROMOTION :)

Today we said good buy to my good old Hyundai Accent! It was still driving but the lovely state of California requires smog checks every 2 years and of course my little green car just wouldn't pass. Since we refused to put anymore money into it we were at a roadblock. Thankfully Dominic found out about the buy back program here, they gave us $1000 for it!!! WAHOO!!!!! We estimated it was worth about $700. So, in memorial to a great car here are a few shots of my little accent just before I turned it in.

For all of you wondering what I'll be driving....I'll let you in on some big news...DOMINIC WAS PROMOTED!!!! that promotion comes with a company car so we didn't need 2 anymore! As an extra bonus, we don't have to pay insurance on 2 cars either! This just gets better and better. Now if only that stimulus check would make it's way into our account.

The Garguile family visits

Tim, Mary, and Gina were down over mother's day, which also happens to be Gina's Birthday! We were so happy that Tim decided to make the trip and had a great time celebrating with everyone.

On Saturday we got up and went to San Francisco to check out the bay. The weather was great and made for some beautiful shots of the water and Golden Gate Bridge

We strolled around enjoying the atmosphere, check out the crab....if only they were easier to eat!

ate at a nice restaurant, Tarantino's, and enjoyed the view of the boats.

Before we headed home we did Lombard St., the crookedest street, and enjoyed the views of the gorgeous Victorian homes

On Sunday we celebrated mother's day with a big breakfast at home cooked by Dominic, then lounged around most of the playing XBox360 and shopping. We celebrated Gina's 13th Birthday with an early dinner of lemon chicken, again made by Dominic!
After dinner we sang happy birthday and Gina was FINALLY able to open those gifts! The guys had been giving her a hard time about 'peaking at them' all day...give her a break gentleman, it's her BIRTHDAY!!!! the big 1-3...she's finally a teenager!!!!!
and here is her blowing out the candles!!!! (please ignore the fact that it's sideways this is my first video post and I'm still learning)

We miss everyone already and can't wait until they come again. Hopefully Gina will even make a solo trip this summer!!!

The final product (for real this time)

Having my mother-in-law come to visit has proven to be a great motivator to get some "on the back burner" projects finished up. As you know I posted a few days back with my almost final on the office bookshelf and yesterday the remainder of my filing boxes arrived and I got everything put together....I moved all the manuals to one and the other holds more files.And to prove that I don't have a bunch of stuff left to find a home for...here is the desk that was piled high last time. I do have a few frames underneath because I'm horrible at deciding where to hang things.However, I did get out my trusty hammer and tape measure and get a few things on the wall like our wedding gift from Cindy and my parents....our family tree. If you pay attention you'll notice that the tree is not yet completed but I have until our first anniversary for that, right Cin ;)

And the wonderful frame that used to be over the mantle (where our ginormous tv now resides) is in place over our massive bed. It seems I like things that are big, massive, large or otherwise on the huge side but oh well, it just means I have to find fewer objects to fill a space. Oh yeah, the picture will be switched out shortly, I'm thinking of using a picture from our honeymoon or maybe the wedding.

Update on bookshelves and organization

But first, please admire the gorgeous flowers we had sitting on our table, in the WONDERFUL kate spade vase we received as a wedding gift that I never would have bought myself but have NO idea what I would do without now. Isn't the way they drape just so lovely? And they have this color variation in the middle, sort of an orangy yellow.

And off topic still, I'm really trying to pare down my closet so that one day soon Dominic and I can share the master. This is only half of mine, but the other is not really used too much, mainly just long hanging stuff that's rarely worn. His is actually 2ft longer than mine right now but if we ever want to have a baby then we need to clear some space and that means combining. Remember a while back when Dominic purged??? At least I've got him started ;)

Now onto the real agenda...the bookcases

Here are the two in the living room upclose and then a wider angle. I am not quite finished but this is CERTAINLY better than I had before. Also, we've finally gotten ahold of comcast and they've worked some magic on the outside line to the house, gotten us a new DVR box, and installed phone service so that TiVo should be out my next month. What type of green plant should I put in that holder on the first shelf????
Just incase you were wondering, this is the adjoining dining room. Much more spacious, and with new tulips for this week

And finally for the biggest improvement, the office. I am still waiting on 2 more filing boxes which I'm going to replace the 2 binders with, oh and that lone white one will be green soon too.Just incase you thought I was truely finished, here is the desk with all the 'what do I do with this' items....I think the majority are destined for the trash since we don't really use any of this. With the exception of my wonderful basket, thanks mom!